Retirement and the New Chapter

 

Oh hey there! I chose this meme today one because it's funny (it really is) and two because I'm a pro wrestling fan. Tickets for AEW All Out 2023 in Chicago go on sale Thursday and I'm beyond excited. (Brandy I can't wait to meet up with you)! Looking forward to getting tix this year because last year was a disaster all around on Ticketmaster, given the short notice ticket sale they had for last year's event. To make things more interesting, WWE is bringing "A Big Four" PPV to Chicago for Thanksgiving. Survivor Series, something that I grew up with, is going to be in town and I'm debating on whether or not I want to attend. For Edge, yes, for Grayson Waller, yeah (catchy theme song), for the Usos/Reigns and LA Knight, HELL YES I'd go. Dynamite has been a tradition for the last few years, and I would hate to breakt it this year. Still deciding on which one to attend-I'll let you know. 

On with the show.

Many of you know that I made the decision to retire from teaching. The last few weeks have been great sitting at the pool with my neighbor, a weekend in Chicago for the Fourth. It was a period where my friend Diane advised me to reflect and as myself what I wanted. What did I want to do with my career and where did I see myself going? I started with S and her family a year ago, when S was eighteen months old. If you would've told me a year ago that I would be with them full time, I wouldn't believe you. I had applied for other positions, only to be turned down for what I believe are "fluff reasons" (rushing through the process to hire someone, age, experience, etc) and it was a struggle to find a job as an experienced fortysomething in a college town. Rejection after rejection for nanny positions made me feel bad about myself and my hard work that I put into my career, along with my spectrum disorder and ADHD. 

But here we are, and I am over the moon. I don't have to worry about gossip, toxic environments or cliques. I don't have to worry about lies to senior management or my name coming out of people's mouths due to their lack of maturity. I don't have to worry about promotions, or if I am good enough to get promoted when I know I have a great background in both early childhood and customer service. 

It's been the end of the first week with S and so far, it's been great. She is transitioning, as she is used to having me one day per week instead of full time. I wake up excited to go to work, and I'm even more excited to find things for her to do during the day, to promote her growth and development. This past week, we went to the library and to the pool and shopping at Target (yes, I did need things). In my old job, I felt dragged down, and I felt held down. I don't have that anymore. This is what I needed to do, and truth be told, I was afraid to do it. I was afraid to leave because it was what I was used to-being taken advantage of, being bullied, being a doormat. In fact, that's what I have been most of my life. It stems from the abuse I endured from my father, and being on the spectrum with ADHD doesn't help much. I made myself a target for this behavior from those I trusted and I made myself a target by having a strong personality with a work ethic. 

If you are in a similar situation, my heart goes out to you. If you are special needs, and you feel bullied, my heart goes out to you. A toxic work environment is a toxic work environment and it's not healthy to be in one. Toxic environments, whether they are the workplace or personal relationships will drain you of your entire energy and being, consuming you head-to-toe until you have nothing left of yourself and nothing left to give. You may feel anger, resentment, anxiety and exhaustion, all of which are signs of stress. You may feel like you need to stay in that environment to accomplish something, but the real story is that you don't. You deserve better. 

And I did just that. It took a lie from senior management who were lied to by Schmooze (remember if you read my last entry you would see what I named this girl) and Schmooze lying to my face in front of senior management to make me see this school for what they are, and the fact that I deserved better.

I found it, and I'm happy. If I can find it, I encourage all of you in toxic environments to find it too. It's out there! Keep looking and don't give up!

With happiness and love,

Dani