Saying Goodbye Never Felt So Good
It's been a week since I walked out of my last job and while I questioned whether or not I did the right thing, after hearing what I heard yesterday, I know I did the right thing in quitting. A few people I met know my old boss and the funny is that while she got on me for the pettiest things, if others did the same thing, she was clearly ok with it. Her infamous quote of " 'admin quality work' " rings in my head like my building door buzzer. She preached doing good work, but didn't do the quality work herself, which is resulted in the words nobody wants to hear at a job. Use your imagination to figure it out.
I know leaving was for the best, as I had zero chance of moving up the ladder, even though I have more experience and education plus customer service experience compared to the August and December promotions of Schmooze (August) and her pal Schoomzie (December). As I stated during a conversation recently, the glass ceiling cracked, but the glass was too thick to shatter. My day involved being in classrooms until primary staff arrived, lesson planning for my hour with school age, providing breaks for staff and admin, picking up the kids from school and hanging out with them for an hour, then going home. That's a great job for someone just starting out in the field of early childhood education but for someone like me, I found it boring and underchallenging.
My wall. The frame that holds my college diploma with my other certifications. My experience and willingness to help others. My education, which in all honesty, I would not have gotten with my without my old administrator who, the day I walked into her office in tears overwhelmed at school. She has the same degree and I had her old teachers. Walking around from behind her desk, she gave me a hug and kleenex. She told me everything was going to be ok and that she wouldn't let me fail.
I graduated with a degree in early childhood education and a minor in social sciences in May 2013. She didn't let me fail and had her door open for me if I had questions.
But she did fail me. She failed me because she made decisions on leadership and those people failed her, the families and the staff as a whole. Gossip made its way into her office (women are talkers, men are listeners and eye rollers at gossip) and that clouded her judgment in more ways than one.
Fifteen years. Forever I will love her. But I love myself more. And like I said in my resignation letter, I can't work in a place where I am not valued or given opportunities. I can't work in place where leadership doesn't like gossip, but the double standard exists because they gossip about us to each other and like Schmooze and her pal, tell lies about staff to senior management to make themselves look like strong leaders.
This week was interesting at my new job. I didn't feel anxious, and I didn't feel drained. I like getting up and going to work. I feel accepted. I feel valued.
I feel free.
And this is just the beginning. Literally.
With love,
Dani
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