The Door Is Closed: Keep Knocking Or Leave
Oh hey there! Just a quick entry here while dinner cools (grilled cheese, peas and tater tots. Ahhh...the single girl's dinner menu).
If you followed my last entry, you would've seen me talking about the office schoomzer who has a big mouth. You can't tell me that even your place of work doesn't have one or a few of these: you know, the one who kisses the boss's behind to get the promotion, and in some cases, the person who gets that promotion based on the butt kissing depsite their lack of experience/background and qualifications. The one who makes it look like they are doing their job, yet you feel a negative vibe. The one who, when you see them, makes you shake your head and wonder why they were chosen to be upgraded to the next level. In my case, the one who I liked as a staff member, not as leadership. The one who, as I was told, left the company because she was unhappy, came back and told the boss to promote her to leadership. The boss did just that, and when I returned to the company, I was stunned that she of all people was promoted, considering I applied for the same position and have double, even triple the education and six times the experience.
I left this school because I was bullied by former leadership on two separate occasions. Having ADHD and ASD when it's known may make you a target for bullies. Unfortunately, I also have a habit of talking-I really do (as my friend Jen said I could be a talk show host). Given my level of experience compared to some of my younger counterparts, I sound very egotistical. I can't help it, and I'm trying. (I didn't spend time to get a degree or years in the field not to have a wealth of experience). Jen (my sister) wanted to know why I went back if I had been bullied. "I went back for the structure", I said, sitting on her couch this past weekend. "Structure of what?", she asked me while eating oatmeal. I had to stop and think for a moment. "Structure because I know the policies and expectations", I answered honestly.
And so it happened again. Same game, different players. Nothing changed. I kept knocking at the door for leadership, and they opened it with a chain attached. They spoke to me through the crack of the door, telling me what I wanted to hear twice and they were not serious. To them, what they offered me was something to do so I would stay. Myself and my job, with my qualifications for a leadership position meant nothing to them, and nothing would change their mind. " 'Leadership quality work' " was a meaningless phrase tossed around with the appearance of a cloud and a cotton-like texture. This was told to me on more than one occasion with other members of leadership not doing "leadership quality work" themselves. As I underwent my fourth stint of employment, the sad memories of being treated differently because I am unique crept up on me and I couldn't help but to remember the past.
I thought things would be different this time. I felt like I actually had a chance to advance up the ladder. My best friend, Diane, knew the story of this place and told me not to go back. Did I listen? No. All of our messenger chats that lasted nearly two hours and she was right.
It wasn't the place for me. I walked out. Nobody suspected a thing, and I've never felt better. I didn't have to worry about gossip, side eyes or drama. I didn't have to worry about tight lips and tighter knits, and I knew knocking on a new door would cause it to open with a big welcome.
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