The Questionable Cult

 Greetings Divas! This Saturday morning brings a light dusting of snow here in Wisco, followed by momentary laziness. Welcome to another post here on the blog which features just about anything from my life as an educator, to wrestling and whatever I’m posting about. Today’s topic is sensitive, take that as your warning. 

Growing up, I attended Catholic school with uniforms before Britney Spears made them popular. My school had both nuns and regular teachers, some of whom I loved and others which I couldn’t stand, largely because they didn’t understand me. ADHD was a thing back then, and I wasn’t medicated for it back in the eighties. Sister Camilla, the principal instilled in me the same fear I had for my grandmother: I respected that woman the same way I respected Grandmother, despite my outbursts due to frustration and anger. Sisters Agnes and Patricia Ann as the music teacher and librarian (don’t ask me who was who because it’s too early in the morning to remember) were favorites as was my second grade teacher, Miss Reiser. Last but not least, one of my favorite priests back then was Father Thomas. He always had a smile for me and a friendly hello, which was a comfort and emotional craving for me living in a household that Grandmother described as “ ‘the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife’ “.  

After Grandmother’s death my sophomore year of high school, I became depressed. My older sister saw the changes, and per usual, my father ignored her. A year later, things had not improved, and I really did change. Perhaps I was trying to break out of my emotional captivity my father held me in, or I really was depressed. I honestly do not know. My changes were noticed by my father who did not get professional help. Instead he handed me off to complete strangers who operated a Christian home, where I lived for three years. His reasoning was that I was a “ ‘bad kid in need of constant supervision’ “. 

I could debate his reasons, and as angry as I still am at him for ruining my life, I understand that he did what he felt was right for me while dealing with his own issues. 

South central Wisco, circa late eighties. A house sits on top of a hill in the country with silos and a farm, along with another house at the bottom of the driveway. At one time a smaller home with three bedrooms and 1.5 bathrooms, an expansion was created adding seven more bedrooms and one more bathroom. Licensed foster care, a homeschool covering Christian curriculum, including Bible study, was the subject of my new environment. I wore skirts everyday, read the Bible, prayed, attended church, and finished my last two years of high school being home schooled, which I describe as “independent study through workbooks meets Montessori (hands on) education”. During this time, I was secluded from the world, with only wholesome programming (Little House in the Prairie, etc) or the news being watched. On one occasion, I remember watching an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 when David’s friend Scott committed suicide by accident with special permission, followed by a discussion about the topic of the episode. 

Looking back on this experience, I see the similarities between the foster home and the Duggars. Perhaps it was a different world back then (and it very much was) or it’s me, but I question the Duggars not only as a Christian family, but as parents as well. As an educator with four semesters of psychology and her own past, I question the manner in which the Duggars have raised their children, along with the beliefs drilled into them from birth and beyond, as I believe the environment to be toxic. 

Doing some research on the Duggar lifestyle, there are rules. Lots of rules. Then there is the obvious which I consider to be harmful, both mentally and physically. 

Duggar women are bred to have children and be submissive to their husband. Michelle Duggar often cites her multiple pregnancies as God telling them how many children they can have. Fair enough, yet conception can be challenging for some couples and the pain of childbirth. What I see with the Duggars is the message to keep having babies, do not get an education or a job, because you aren’t allowed to, and do everything your husband says. 

In other words, Duggar daughters are raised without backbones, and Duggar sons are taught that a man is in control. 

Josh Duggar’s incident of inappropriate behavior with his sisters makes me wonder if someone knew what was going on and ignored it because the men are in charge. The recent conviction with the pornography charges presented a good argument complete with Josh asking how to install programs that hide said images, along with the weak defense from his legal team that he was framed. 

His parents knew all along what he was doing. After all, he was raised to believe he’s in charge. I feel sorry for his wife but do not feel sorry for her, largely because she allowed herself to be taken advantage of, both physically and emotionally, being told keep having babies and doing everything she’s told to do, with no mind of her own. I feel sorry for his sisters having gone through this, but not sorry that they were not strong enough to do something about it. I feel sorry for the younger siblings who are growing up in this environment believing they have no mind of their own and are thus unable to express an opinion out of fear. 

It is my belief that the Duggars are raising their kids in a cult and not faith. I say this because in his mugshots, Josh appears to be smiling, showing zero remorse for his actions. His parents have questionable remorse for their son’s behavior, leading to question of raising children or raising children in a cult. 

While we don’t know what caused Josh to do what he did to his sisters, we know that it may have been prevented had someone spoken up. 

My father never gave me the opportunity to speak up for myself, nor did he give me the opportunity to voice my own opinion. Grandmother, on the other hand, always had to have the last word. 

Me having the last word? Never. I’m one of the most outgoing people you’ll ever meet and I can’t stop talking. Seriously. And I went both Catholic and Christian schools and I cuss like a sober sailor in a bar. 

Whomever said “ ‘children should be seen and not heard’ “ is wrong. Children should be seen and heard. Sadly, I don’t think the Duggars got that message. 

With homemade chocolate chip cookies and love,

Dani